Schlock & Gore: The Vampire’s Curse (1998)(NSFW)

directed by Gary Whitson
runtime: 90 mins

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Just kidding! It’s time to ride the W.A.V.E. again! If you don’t know what W.A.V.E. is, check my previous review of a W.A.V.E. film, where I touch on that very subject. W.A.V.E. is quickly replacing Troma as my go-to for low, low lowlow budget filmmaking. That’s not to say they’re comparable. They’re vastly different. But Troma used to be a place of comfort. Of familiarity. The movies were tangible things that anyone could make with enough passion. In that way, they are similar. Okay. Enough jibber-jabber! On to the review of the first video that W.A.V.E. shot on DV: The Vampire’s Curse!

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Two girls are living in a shithole and are overcome by the heat. It’s so hot, they can’t stop saying how hot it is! Their actions show me how hot it is, but so do the words they say! It’s a show and tell! Wowza!

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I bet it’s so hot that even her ass is sweating.
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I knew it!!

Chris (W.A.V.E. favorite Tina Krause) has to go house sit. There’s no A/C there either! It’s too hot to sleep and even too hot to watch TV! Eventually, to the benefit of everyone watching this movie, she decides to get nekkid and take a shower. The sleaze (and I mean that in the best way possible) ensues.

She says a lot of things out loud to herself that no one would possibly say, but exposition is cheap and so am I! For example, after taking a sexy cold shower Tina says out loud to herself  “Ah, that was refreshing. I feel a lot cooler. I’m still not tired. What am I gonna do? Oh wait Mr. Carlson said there was books in the other room. Maybe I’ll just go in there. I can’t imagine what he could possibly have.”

She pokes around the encyclopedias hoping to find a copy of Vogue or Elle and finds this:

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Chris curls up in bed with the unwieldy Tome, reads its warning, and proceeds to choose a story.

Story number one occurs at a bar.

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a bar.

You may have noticed the bar resembles someone’s living room. Never you mind that. The officer has a seat, and two gypsy sisters look on. One thinks he’s a hunky hunk and goes to read his fortune. It doesn’t go so hot, probably because that stuff is a load of hooey, and the ambiguous officer dude takes her upstairs to have his way with her. Her dad, who is running the bar, tells her to just do as he says because they can’t afford to lose their business. Well the officer strangles her and stuff because she’s resisting his advances, and it’s implied he has his way with her anyway. The officer leaves and the gypsy sister seeks revenge. She curses him and the events foretold in his fortune reading come to pass.

Tina Krause is hot again. She grabs ice from the freezer and gets back in bed. Then, lowering the straps of her slippery red nightie, she rubs the ice on her chest for what feels like several minutes. It’s a glorious moment of cinema.

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The second story follows two explorers who seek to plunder Vlad the Impalers burial site. This is where we finally get to some vampire action, as the tomb is cursed and the explorers suffer the consequences, becoming vampires themselves. The spell in the book Tina is reading becomes too strong and possesses her as well. And boy does it possess her.

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In the end we see the start of a chain reaction towards vampiric takeover. It’s both is and isn’t a happy ending.

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So kids, remember to read read read!

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My final thoughts: The Vampire’s Curse is the best W.A.V.E. movie I’ve seen to date. There’s just enough of that Skinemax sexploitation to hold the viewer’s interest, and indeed much of the movie was spent wondering who’s clothes would come off and when. The overwhelmingly hot summer night setting added a surprising layer to the weirdness. Nothing feels quite the same as a W.A.V.E. film. It’s sexy horror sleaze on a budget, and it’s a warm, warm blanket.

9/10

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!
-Rat


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