‘Squatched Out – Part I

My review for Abominable went up last month and it really got me thinking. I haven’t actually seen many Bigfoot movies. Surely It is necessary for my journalistic merit as a horror reviewer to rectify that oversight! So I decided July would be Bigfoot month, and I would go all Patterson-Gimlin and saturate myself in the ‘Squatch!

I watched as many Bigfoot movies as I could physically handle in one week, and began writing an account of that journey. On top of this brilliant plan I had also gotten in over my head with piles of screeners. And then of course I still had my Schlock & Gore to consider. Oh, and did I mention I was planning on increasing the amount of videos I am making for The Basement on a Hill’s YouTube channel? Needless to say, I overextended myself.

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Don’t be discouraged! There’s more to the story! Read on!

But, I’m still alive (so far). I made it through the sweat and the guilt of giving only 75% of my attention to everything I have touched since July began, and I have here an account of those films.

For our first featured ‘foot I flew face-first into fables of our fuzzy friend. The Legend of Boggy Creek. You can read my full review of that boring pile of doodoo here. I’d spend that precious time filling out divorce paperwork again before I’d revisit TLoBC. 2/10. I was off to a bad start.

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Next up was Creature From Black Lake. CFBL looked as though it would be a knock-off of TLoBC. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn’t. No glorified clip show here. The affable Pahoo (the ever baffling Dennis Fimple) and the too-cool Reeves (John David Carson) are students from a University in Illinois who just can’t seem to get enough hamburgers. Also, they are researching a Bigfoot in this here Louisiana town. The sheriff (Jack Elam) doesn’t like them stirring up trouble! With both sheriff’s daughters and hamburgers to smash, will they find what they came for? Indeed. 5/10. And in not being a quasi-doc, CFBL was infinitely more digestible than TLoBC. Still, I’m feeling I’m in over my head.

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It was time to tackle my third 70’s Bigfoot flick in the infamous made for TV movie, Curse of Bigfoot. In this certified turd, we are treated with basically what amounts to an assortment of short films. One is an educational classroom film being shown in a cryptozoology class. Another is a recollection of events that happened in a guest lecturer’s youth, that is really just the movie Teenagers Battle the Thing, a movie about archaeology students resurrecting a mummy. With a rulllll bad looking papier-mâché Bigfoot and enough aimless walking through the woods to power a Scandinavian fable, Curse of Bigfoot is a certified steamer. The lie these filmmakers were told was anyone can make movies. The reality is that not everyone SHOULD make movies. 0/10. I’m feeling burned out.

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Curse of Bigfoot AKA What the shit is this?

It was evident at this point that I was going to need some help. I enlisted the talents of Brennan Dortch AKA The Merits of Sin to help me continue on my journey. He crushed it with  great reviews of Demonwarp and Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century. I highly recommend checking those out. Don’t let all of this ‘Squatchin’ be in vain!

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I saw this in a dream once.
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LOL

How would this all turn out? The outcome remains as elusive as Bigfoot itself.

To be continued…

-Rat


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