Schlock & Gore: She Kills (2016)

I recently got a dog. More specifically, I got a puppy, and named him Edgar. He’s a happy little puggle looking thing, and he’s great. But at one point in She Kills, a dog is ripped in half (the halves connected by an intestine) and used as nunchucks, and I wouldn’t mind doing that to Edgar sometimes. But that’s what movies are for right? They are here for us to escape into and fantasize about.

IMG_2001
Imagine him, but as asian weaponry.

Well She Kills is an excellent escape. From the moment the title card flew at me with that great grindhouse font, I knew I was in for a treat.

IMG_2472

It goes like this.

Sadie and Edwin, mere hours before getting married have a run-in with a member of the Touchers, a local gang. They escape but are met at their honeymoon suite by the whole gang. The tension builds while distorted warbling grindhouse synths pulse nicely in the background and each gang member introduces themselves. When Dirk, the leader, is about to rape Sadie, the gang becomes hypnotized by the scent of her vagina and starts acting like monkeys, eventually taking turns doing the deed as well as killing and eating Edwin. When they wake up in the morning and try to make sense of things, they decide to blame it on Sadie’s “vertical bacon sandwich.”

IMG_2481
Have a happy period. Always.

She heads home to find that nobody is safe from her crotch. Not even her father and brother. One intentionally terrible kung-fu fight later, her brother has performed a bit of incest, eaten her dad and ran away.

IMG_2558

Sadie goes to a psychic friend of hers and the psychic informs her she has firecrotch (basically, and she knows how to get rid of it, but there is a price. She will experience no pleasure during sex with men ever again. If she lays with a man he will pay the ultimate price. This kicks off the revenge portion of the film. It’s time to hunt down some henchmen.

IMG_2563

If by some chance you haven’t guessed yet, She Kills is a gross-out grindhouse spoof comedy. One of the best I’ve seen, I might add. Imagine if Ms. 45 had a baby with Austin Powers and then was baptized by Lloyd Kaufman. If you can do that, you’ll have a good idea of what director Ron Bonk has achieved here.

IMG_2559

In a very technically sound way, pets become weapons, a squirrel is shat on and then bursts into flames, crotches are demolished, cocks ripped off, scrotums slung like bola snares… there’s dry humping, bad mustaches, and a bouquet of breasts. Sets are sometimes made from toys because who wants to rent a crane for the aerial shot? The boom mic operator falling into the frame out of nowhere had me clutching my sides. The fourth wall is pulverized like nobody’s business in Ron Bonk’s over-the-top swanton bomb.

IMG_2605
pictured from left to right: a henchman, Dirk

One scene, wherein Sadie makes her way through the baddies’ hideout, is reminiscent of the game Hotline Miami. She pops around corners shooting henchmen down while rad synths saturate the scene.

IMG_2606
Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s a murder vagina.

With Sadie as a badass heroine you can root for, and Dirk as one of the most hilarious villains ever conceived, ones investment is all but guaranteed. I would recommend She Kills to fans of films such as Frankenstein Created Bikers, The Taint, The Toxic Avenger, Planet Terror, Chillerama, and Wolfcop.

IMG_2587

Quote highlights:
“I hate cats, and I love pussayy, if you get my drift.”

“There’s a new sheriff in town, and her meat flaps are packing death!”

9/10

Stay Slime, and be rad at all times!
-Rat


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s