Bizarro Book review: Bigboobenstein

“We all know there’s only one way to a man’s heart, Adelheid. That way is tits.”

I’d like to talk about Jeff O’Brien’s novel, Bigboobenstein.

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I know how much people hate reading these days. Hell, you’d probably rather watch me review this on youtube rather than have to trace my print with your eyeballs right now, but Bigboobenstein isn’t a movie and I don’t look good on camera, goddammit! I’m getting off track…

Bigboobenstein is a horror comedy in print form. And it is fully worth your time. From page one you can feel exactly what path you’re headed down, and the whole story unfolds like taking a nice stroll. It’s pleasing to the brain to have your suspicions confirmed. Not everything needs a twist, you know.

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Shut it!

Adelheid is a kind of rockabilly/goth chick with a scumbag punk boyfriend she loves dearly and naively. She becomes upset when she catches him staring at the boobs of the models on his wall posters while they are having sex. Distraught she turns to Dr. Kuntz (heheh) for plastic surgery to enhance her C-cups. At this point we already know Dr. Kuntz is the stand-in for Dr. Frankenstein. He’s like if Frankenstein were played by John Waters, let’s say. But this is what I mean by taking a nice stroll. The reader gets to walk along, amused, while the rats work their way through the maze.

Adelheid makes her way through this story with a colorful cast of characters including:

-Isor, the stand in for Igor. A very pervy little thing that brings to mind the Sinful Dwarf, Torben Bille, and, for some reason, Ralphus from Bloodsucking Freaks.
-Bone Daddy, the pimp with the painted face.
-Herman the living Hernia, who protrudes from the abdomen of a homeless oracle much like Belial from Basket Case.
-Adelheid’s younger, perpetual-boner-having brother, Bobby.
-The local punk band, Bisonfucker.
-The hooded creatures that speak and sing in rhymes.

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Bigboobenstein is a crowd pleaser. Adelheid’s confusion over the zombie secretary’s speech impediment “Pl-l-lease hold” and her putrid smell, while being none the wiser that she’s speaking to a zombie slave is some top-notch crowd-pleasing. Whether this was the intent or not, I don’t really know. Nevertheless it works out in O’Brien’s favor to sprinkle charm on this bizarro cupcake.

The cover of this novel has a blurb that calls it “Oddly feminist”, and that’s certainly the case. It’s semi exploitative in tone, yet carries with it messages of female empowerment and self-worth. That may be the most important thing about this novel, but I urge you to give it a read even if that sounds hokey to you. Tell you what. I’ll make it easy. You should read this book if any of the following items applies to you:

-You like boobs
-You are bored
-You can’t remember the last time you read a book
-You like reading
-You hate reading
-You like boobs
-You enjoyed Frank Henenlotter’s Frankenhooker
-You have heard of Frankenstein
-You are fond of comeuppance
-You want to experience something that your friends haven’t
-Boobs

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Check out Bigboobenstein and more at amazon https://www.amazon.com/Bigboobenstein-Jeff-OBrien/dp/149099971X

Buy it. Read it.
9/10

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!
-Rat


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